Aussie sex fiends

It was only a matter of time before Hollywood’s splurge of sexual assault cases rubbed off on Australia and it seems Don Burke is number is the first to be named as a sexual predator.

His defence; self diagnosed Aspergers.

Don… we may have been born among the gumtrees but we sure weren’t born yesterday.

Ungrateful holiday goers

Mount Agung, a volcano in Bali is officially erupting after predictions for the activity began about two months ago.

The eruption has resulted in thousands of Aussies having to alter their holiday plans as flights cannot continue with ash cloud that has resulted.

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Poor poor people living in the first world country being stuck at airports (which are air conditioned, and if you’ve been to the Brissy terminal lately, there are some pretty snazzy couches. And there would be wi-fi, charger ports, plenty of food outlets charging ridiculous prices which we are happy to pay, pretty much because we can afford to.) and having to wait out the ash cloud after weeks or months of anticipation.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Mount Agung, 50,000 homes have been evacuated.

50,000 families are homeless and face uncertainty as to whether they will ever be under a roof with their life’s belongings ever again.

But ok, I guess uncertainty as to whether or not you will be able to lay out by the pool and have someone bring you a pina colada, or get daily massages is on par with what the Balinese are experiencing.

And we all know flights have only set people back a few hundred dollars. Which could probably cover the entire contents of one of the threatened homes.

Additionally, Ive actually just come back from Bail and I’m pretty sure that every person laying out by the pool, or being manicured, or sitting at a bar on the beach at sunset was absorbed with an iPad or iPhone anyways.

So with the airport WI-FI and charger ports, I’m sure you will be ok.

I was actually mid massage at one stage, and a lady getting pedicured asked the woman attending to her what her name was so she could post on Facebook that she was being looked after by ‘Manya’.

Before she did this, I heard her ask for the WI-FI password too. Why? So she can check out what her yoga instructor’s children made in art class? And tell everyone what she is doing, as if they probably don’t already know she is in Bali after the numerous check-ins and pre-holiday posts.

Life is about YOUR experiences, not anyone elses.

It gets worse. This woman also mentioned to the Balinese woman, she had recently had toe surgery and to clean that specific toe property.

Clean your own toe.

Water and soap.

The shower it is

Don’t you hate it when you go to wash your feet in the toilet but the rules prevail…..

All I wanted to do was have dinner on the beach with clean feet.

What concerns me is that this was the only place in all of Bali that I came across with such a sign.

(And I visited a lot of rest rooms, in light of my alcohol intake)

So does this mean in all the other places, people are having dinner in bars with feet that have been washed in toilets???

Shame on you

The results are in today for marriage equality as 61.6 per cent of Aussies conclude the decision to allow all people to marry whomever them choose.

A protester shows his colours during a g

What I find interesting is this figure, of 61.6 per cent.

This is not a huge amount, with just over half of voters wanting to see marriage equality, and the other 40 per cent who must be against it.

Over the last few months, I feel that social and news media have seen hundreds of articles, statuses, pictures, memes and more supporting the concept.

I don’t think I’ve seen even one person however advocate they are against the policy, yet apparently 40 per cent of people are.

Where are their status updates, photos, site shares and news articles?

Are these people ashamed of their beliefs? Because if this is the case, maybe you should re-evaluate your idea of fairness and equality.

If you are hiding it, you must know it can’t be right.

Back up your morals, or accept and embrace change.

The eve of equality

T’was six weeks before Christmas

When Parliament House

Took to a big decision

Tho the answer obvious to a mouse

 

The voters had spoken

To make the world fair

In the hope that a wedding

Could be for any pair

 

Couples were nestled

All snug in their beds

While visions of bridal parties

Danced in their heads

 

And the yes voters

Will soon get to wake

To a great big announcement

Australia took so long to make

 

Welcome to 2017 Australia.

What took you so long?

Was it the horse and carriage? We have Uber here. And cronuts.

Oh and if you love someone, you can marry them.

Your welcome.

Universe…chill.

It’s no secret that all of Australia’s politicians are facing mass job losses due to being dual citizens.

Does anyone else think at the rate we are going, our next Prime Minister will be Blinky Bill?

Splodge the Kangaroo for Deputy?

Sounds crazy, but hey so does getting the sack because your Grandpa was born in New Zealand, took a boat ride to the next large mass of land, fell in love and had a family.

I also think that it won’t be long before it’s just women on the big screen in light of all these sexual assault allegations taking over Hollywood.

The universe needs to chill the eff out before we replace Parliament House with a Gum Tree and only have Orange is the New Black as an option on Netflix.

From hate to unemployed

It seems a woman has been fired for hating President Trump.

The single mother gave him the finger while she was out cycling and he was passing through in a motorcade.

Days later she was fired in light of the event that was captured by a Whitehouse photographer.

Mind you, she did think it was ok to post the photo as her profile picture on Facebook.

How did she manage a job in the first place? Or a child……

Despite this, I do think the outcome is a bit rough.

I also feel like America’s unemployment rate is about to go through the roof if they are going to start firing people for hating on the President.

I might even head over there myself with an “I love Donald Trump” T-Shirt and my resume.

Cannot wait to choose from an array of opportunities.

There has got to be hundreds of people working at Disneyland that hate the President and if one of them plays the Princess Jasmine character then I will be the happiest person in the world.

I’ve done it before. I can do it again.

Or an ice-cream maker.

I’d take that job too. Doubt I could handle both roles as my Princess Jasmine costume may not fit me should I become an ice cream maker.

Ice cream maker it is.

Let it ring

Tell me if this sounds all too familiar.
You make a call, the person answers and you greet them with hello, and who you are and the respond with “Sorry, I can’t talk right now,”

Why did you answer your phone then?

If you can’t talk, don’t talk.

Let it ring out. Sometimes that’s ok. It’s called voice mail or texting. Or FB message, or Viber, or Whats App, or SnapChat.

It’s 2017. The information will get to you.

It’s better to let it ring our then to basically make the person on the other end of the line think they are not important enough for your time if you managed to answer your phone, and suddenly can’t talk when they state who they are.

If it was the Cash Cow, you’d suddenly find the time to talk.


You know it’s true.