The dating game

So I’ve been dating.

I’m not cut out for this. I just cannot deal with letting people down if I don’t want to see them again.

Just to clarify, I don’t think that I’m so amazing that every date I have wants to marry me.


I’m just really bad at conflict. It’s just never been my thing. I don’t know how to break things off. I do know however, what I’m looking for in a partner (besides Zac Efron) and I am determined to search until I’ve found it.

Ideally, Tinder should have an option, after meeting where you can go in and select if you want to continue the relationship. That would make my life a lot easier then these texts I’ve been sending out:

‘It was really nice meeting you but I actually like women.

‘It was really nice meeting you but I just discovered I’m pregnant from a former partner and we are getting back together.

‘It was really nice meeting you but I’ve decided to remain single for now as I like that all the photos in my house are of just me.

‘It was really nice meeting you but I don’t want to share my wine.’ (Ok…this one is actually true)

These excuses are getting worse and worse, so I had another thought. Why not make him let me down?

So next time, I might just drop in a convo that I’m a scientologist.

“A what?”

“Oh yea, Ron L Hubbard is my hero. I have a whole room dedicated as a shrine to him and I sit there every night for 16 minutes while maintaining eye contact with a portrait of him and his chickens.

‘Oh and I’m waiting to have sex until marriage. 

And if that doesn’t work… well there’s always my disney soft toy collection that I can start scrolling though photos of, as if they were my children.

“This ones Flounder. He looks like he should live in a tank, but I let him sleep on my bed.”


Wouldn’t be surprised if I get a text the next day from them.

‘It was nice meeting you but I’ve just been contacted my my ex who found out she is pregnant.’

To be honest… I’m that clucky that my response would be: 

‘Are keeping it? Because I’ll take it. Promise I can raise it as a catholic. And there is also an extensive soft toy collection guarantee.’

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