Fast Post #9

It says ‘cruise control’… but we all know this is code for snap chat opportunity.

One of these days I’m going to get arrested. If its not for ghosting.

I kind of feel that the snap chat face changers should be on par with the radio stations. Like, don’t be posting a Sia face and hair combo on snap chat, and then have her songs played on the most popular radio station.

Thats just asking people to snap and drive.

Id totally bring that up in court if I was ever brought in for it.

Counter sue.

And they may argue that I’m 31. But still… I can try.

Sunday….No funday.

So, I had my first weekend day to myself today in little old Bordertown. No work to be done and no visitors.

Literally had no idea what to do. There are no markets here, no live acoustics, no one to drink with, no beaches… no friends.

So I thought I’d pop out with Oats on the lead for the first time and grab a coffee in the main street, and wash Oats at the dog wash too. Because he does not smell nice.

This turned out to be an epic fail. Firstly, the dog wash was $10. Are you kidding me?  Thats more expensive then a car wash. Hello, he’s the size of my foot, not a car. Was it manuka honey shampoo or something?

I would have been better off going through the car wash with him. But I didn’t need a wash myself. And i don’t know what the high pressure rinse would have done to my hair. We both would have come out looking like chow chows.

So this was annoying. Because I had also, in my optimism already changed over a $5 note for coins. And instead of money, I got tokens. So I was now down $5, had more shit to carry, and still had a smelly dog.

But I took the higher road and walked straight on to the cafe. Coffee sometimes fixes everything. When the coffee store is open.


So there are two cafes, so I had to walk back in an opposite direction but I went to the second one.

It was also shut.

And thats it by the way. There are two cafe’s. And they were both shut. It was like 10am on a Sunday… what the eff.

So i noticed the bakery was open, figured that would do for a coffee and a cornflake cookie is always a nice treat.

But what was out the front of the bakery do you suppose? A trailer loaded with like seven giant Irish wolfhounds that probably were actually bigger then cars.

There was no way I could leave Oats outside with that.

And then it started raining.

This was the first day since my move that I cracked open a bottle of wine before midday.


Im a dog owner again!

I’ve found myself a pup. He is adorable!

But man, pups are hard work.

Take your eyes off them for over a minute and you have to go out and buy another household appliance, or bake another cake.

Next time I will stick with re-homing dogs from the shelter. I would have done that originally but my land lord has a stick up his ass. He wanted me to get one of those maltese poodle shitzu things.

Ok, firstly, they are not dogs. I’m pretty sure theres a species that we haven’t named yet and they are it.

And secondly, they are actually like $1000. Im not even joking. I was not prepared to spend that much money on a rug. I would actually rather buy an actual rug. That would be bigger, more colourful and I’d probably trip over it less.

I don’t understand people who would fork out this much money for one of those little things tho.

Seriously. Get a toy.

You could re-home 2 from the shelter for that much as well. And get a whole lot more fun out of them.

If your going to get one of those little things, why even get a dog at all.

Save the $1000. Go to Bali. Bring one back. So many alternatives…

But I should finish my mentioning my dog is a border collie x kelpie. His name is Oats because we live behind a giant oatmeal factory. I can smell porridge all the time. Its actually pretty awesome.

Although ironically he does not eat Oats. Just ugg boots at this stage.

Just eat and judge

Masterchef is really really bad sometimes!

Like tonight… They serve up their dishes to the judges. And the judge asks

Is this the dish that is going to keep you in the competition?

Hello… your the judge. He is the aspiring chef. You have one job. How the hell should he know.

It’s reality TV. If he wants to stay in the competition he probably has to just have lost a loved one recently, be stunningly attractive or have an attitude like Hitler.

And also, give me macaroni cheese any day over quail with corn and chorizo salsa with pedro ximenez glaze.

Fast Post #8

Has anyone seen those intense ads for those powerful vibrating machines (G rated) that are supposed to help you lose weight and tone up and all that jazz. They say “You won’t even feel like your working out. It’s so easy”.

If its an easy work out…. it’s not a work out.

Its a ride.

I’ll be sure to look for it at the Royal Adelaide Show this year.