Finally. I get on the flight

After my brilliantly dull five hour wait in Brisbane Airport, I was stoked to get three seats to myself on the plane. But…

As soon as we had taken off this huge lady came over and plonked her hippopotamus ass down in the aisle seat. “Sorry darl… we are all a bit squished over there”.

Anyone sitting next you would be squished darl.

So needless to say, I was unimpressed. After being stuck in the terminal on the cold hard floor because I was trying to steal internet from the virgin lounge, I was really excited to stretch across the seats, and read my book. Plus, I pee very often so I was annoyed that I was pretty much fenced in with this tractor lady in the aisle seat.

I decided to let it go. But that feeling lasted 5 minutes. So my next move?

I got smashed. I had not had one drink during my trip anyways, figured I deserved it. So now, I had to pee every 5 minutes. I made this tractor hippo get up every time. It was brilliant. Not only was I annoyingly fidgeting in my chair and laughing hysterically to re-runs of seinfled bloopers, but I was up and down constantly…as was she. I kept nudging her every time there was a good blooper, which was just annoying because it’s not like she could hear anything either. And the poking could not have been pleasant.

And the icing on the cake? Alcohol makes me gassy. It’s the soft drink in it. And my gas smells… not nice.



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