Matt Damon is coming

Im not gonna lie… I provided terrible customer service this morning because I was online trying to figure out in 25 words or less why I should get to meet Matt Damon on Sunrise next week.

Because I want to marry him would have been too cliché.

But I do.

And if I get to meet him next week, I hope I have enough time to drop a few kg’s and fix my hair. And my face.

Proud Aunty Dee

So I don’t have my own children. But I do have two nephews and two nieces and one more something on the way. (When I say ‘something’, I am referring to the sex of the next one. Not the species. My sister definitely only has sex with human males)

And I love them to bits. They are adorable. They are cheeky. They are fun. They are energetic. And they love me. I don’t have kids of my own to spoil or to watch Zootopia with, or to demolish buckets of ice cream with or to have pillow fights with.

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I love the hell out of these kids. My nieces are up in Queensland, so we are not as close. But I see my nephews most days of the week and there will be plenty of Aunty Dee posts to come in this blog. Skip these ones if you are not into kids. Because I totally get that as well.

 

 

I love my nephews and nieces, but that’s because they are MY nephews and nieces.

 

So skip ahead to the more amusing parts of my life, like my mission to find a husband, or my efforts to control my bladder.

And Goodnight 🙂

Fast Post #4

I forgot I was 30 last weekend and wore a playsuit for the first time ever to a very boozy BBQ.

I have concluded from this experience that playsuits should come with a label that clearly states firstly, its washing instructions and secondly a warning label : Not suitable for alcoholics.

#howdoigetmyvaginaoutofthisthing

Aunty Dee Post #1

My poor nephew.

I was babysitting yesterday and he had lost one of his Dr. Seuss books. We literally looked everywhere for it. He was so upset. He asked me “Where else can we look?”

And my solution…”Why don’t we look on the bright side?”

Poor kid. He said “Where’s that?”

To which I tried to explain the concept. That he still had three Dr. Seuss books, and there were plenty of children out there who didn’t even have one.

His response “Lets look in my room again”

Ok. He is only five. But still, never too young to try to pump a bit of optimism into them!

Home and Away and don’t come back.

I’m sorry. But I just don’t get Home and Away. It seems to me that there are more orphaned teenagers (who also resemble super models) in Summer Bay then in all of the world.

And how stupid is Irene to keep taking them in?

There’s always a fire, or a shooting, or a robbery or an unplanned pregnancy that happens throughout the season. These kids are really messed up. No wonder they don’t have parents. Either that, or Irene is a terrible foster mother.

I don’t think the welfare system in Summer Bay is great if they keep allowing her to parent these corrupt super models.

But hey, what do I know. After all, the ratings say it all. And to be honest, if I happened to resemble a super model as well and was offered a role in Summer Bay, I would not turn it down. Partly because there is always the possibility that I could be a love interest to Johnny Ruffo, and partly because it is always summer.

And I do like the beach.

Eddie Maguire. Let it go.

In case you have been in bed all day and stayed off of social media (I highly doubt this), here’s what I’m referring to…

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http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-06-20/eddie-mcguire-apologises-caroline-wilson-drowning-comments/7524748

People, people, people. Really. He is just doing his job. Its called commentating.

We need to stop being so precious. Just because we suddenly can’t tolerate gluten, we can’t tolerate a joke either?

Seriously.

It’s made news headlines. Meanwhile two people were stabbed in Adelaide last night. I’ve seen it pop up once on channel 9.

So next time I’m in Davoren park wondering out aimlessly by myself and I get approached with a stranger with a knife, I will be completely underprepared, because the media thought it was more important for me to know that Eddie Maguire hurt a lady’s feelings.

Stop being so precious and stop stabbing people as well.

 

 

 

Roadworks…Just no.

Why are all the major road works done on weekends??

It’s much more of an inconvenience to be late to a movie, or the pub then to be late for work.

I’d rather miss a meeting then happy hour. And then at least I would be getting paid to sit in traffic and pick my nose and belt out some old CD’s.

But also, people expect delays when its peak hour, Monday to Friday. No one ever expects to be delayed on a Saturday morning on their way to get groceries.

Just seriously. Monday to Friday.

Dont text when stationary.

Has anyone else noticed police officers wondering around the streets in the middle of heavy traffic?

I’ll tell you what’s going on. They park their cars behind fences and other things, and get out at intersections but still hide amongst the bushes. Then they slowly creep around and look at all the drivers who are stopped at the lights to catch someone using a phone.

True story.

Pretty sure Adelaide has the most serial killers in the world. But whatever. Let’s try to catch people who are asking their husbands what’s for dinner. Or checking out movie times.

This is the dumbest thing ever. And I’ll tell you why.

All this says to me is that I can’t use my phone when I’m stopped at an intersection. Which means I have to wait until I’m doing 110km per hour on the freeways. Much safer.

It’s actually a complete pain in the ass. Cops don’t know what it’s like to be stuck in traffic. They have sirens. Maybe you should give us all a pair of those, and we won’t feel the urge to text while we are stopped at a light with nothing to do.

Or maybe we should start incorporating texting and driving whilst getting our learners permits?

Give way? Check.

Reverse parallel parking? Check.

Texting behind the wheel? Check.