If they’re coeliac… we know.

So um…it’s Coeliac Awareness Week this week.

This initiative aims to raise awareness about Australia’s relatively low coeliac disease diagnosis rate.

Am I the only one thinking it…If someone is a coeliac, it’s generally the first words out of their mouth. No need for awareness when WE ALREADY KNOW people are on gluten free diets.

You don’t need to remind us the disease exists. Really.

Also, if it’s “low” why does every second person demand a Gluten Free menu. Or play 20 questions at the food till while nine others wait behind them.

And why do they get a whole day? Mum’s popped kids out of their va-jay-jays and they only get one day.

I wonder when it’s going to be Vegan Awareness Week. Or hang on. Is that already happening…every week.

It ain’t a compliment.

I just got ID’d at Dan Murphy’s, rushing in on the way home from work to grab beers for my house sitter.

I’m 35 years old. And I’ll get right to it… they wouldn’t sell it to me despite my disbelief and frustration.

“It’s a compliment,” she says.

When you’re 35 and you get told you look 17, it’s not a compliment.

Especially when you’re already struggling to keep your life together.

“Actually, it’s a huge inconvenience you idiot cashier who perhaps forgot her glasses,” I wanted to say.

Because I was stoked not only that I remembered, but that I actually managed the time during a hectic week to quickly drop in and grab the beers in the first place. I had my dog in the car and wanted to make it home to watch the last set of the tennis.

And tomorrow I get on an aeroplane and my house sitter has to remain sober while doing me a huge favour.

Moral of the story… take ID everywhere until you drop dead because sometimes people leave their glasses at home.

This was taken before school. And then I passed my maths test.

Dramatic quarantine-ers

First of all, Tennis is one of my favourite sports and I love the players. The Australian Open is one of may favourite times of the year! But.

These tennis players in quarantine. Yes, it’s not ideal. They can’t train and they have limited access to coaches and other essentials. 

However.

Do we need to remind them how much they get paid? 

I’d live in a shed for a month for a quarter of their salaries. 

It’s two weeks. I’d estimate 50 per cent of the entire world have had to quarantine at least once in the the last year. And it was a lot harder for us to fork out the $3000 to just cover the costs – which I believe Tennis Australia are covering for these poor professionals.

Besides, we’re upset too. The less they train, the less entertaining the matches will be. No one is winning here.

It’s not like they weren’t aware about the worldwide pandemic. Coming from countries where there are a trillion more cases than Australia too.

Just saying…. Two weeks for probably a triple digit pay check seems perfectly acceptable. They can get through gruelling training sessions and epic 5 set matches..Come on guys. You can do this.

Amazing view if you ask me.

What a Qatarstrophe

Remember when they found a baby at Qatar airport, and decided to perform pelvic exams on all the woman on the plane?

Parents of newborn dumped in Qatar airport bin identified

Turns out the baby’s parents were Asian convicts. Key word. Asian.

Didn’t they pick this when they found the baby?

I just think it would have made much more sense if they had just selected the Asian passengers to exam.

Wouldn’t have it?

Just go with it

If I hear one more person whinge about bottle shops remaining open in lockdown situations….

Yes it seems absurd. Yes it seems unfair, but also, sshhhh.

10 of Australia's best beer bottle shops - Drinks Trade

Remember that time in Victoria when there was backlash over numbers allowed at races vs numbers allowed for AFL GF gatherings? And then the Government listened, and changed their minds about the numbers, and restrictions were tightened. Again.

So really, I’m just saying perhaps be grateful for what is still available.

If State Leaders think bottle shops are essential services then just go with it.

If we keep complaining they’re more likely to shut bottle shops than they are to reopen anything else.

Oh and don’t pretend alcohol isn’t essential.

Orange ya gonna go?

I envy people who stop at orange lights.

To have nothing better to do, but to voluntarily add at least three minutes to their total commute time, all the while sitting in the driver’s seat with a passenger who’s hashtagging something, and listening to some repetitive advertisement on the radio…..

The History and Meaning of Colored Traffic Lights

It’s very inconsiderate when the person behind you is likely running late for work. Which is generally always the case at 8:59am. As it was for me this morning.

Before you label me a hoon, let me clarify, it was an orange light on a turning signal. So all cars were going at about 10km/ph. It’s not like anyone had to speed through anything to get through the light. This van was basically at the light when it turned orange.

Just saying. It’s ok to go through it. That’s why it’s orange and not red.

Even if it’s red actually, while all the cops are busy catching COVID. Unless you’ve got a temperature, you’ll likely get away with it.

Am kidding. Don’t break the law. Or endanger lives.

But seriously, the orange light… YOLO right?

#brakeforred

Adorable Ardern

Just putting it out there.

Is there even a point, having an election in New Zealand next month?

Jacinda Ardern is the most loved woman on the planet.

Jacinda Ardern

Which would make Nationals Opposition Leader Judith Collin’s the most ambitious woman on the planet. And silliest.

No doubt she’s got a lot of time and money invested into running. I think she’s better off splurging on diamond encrusted stilettos and feasting on lobster at five-star resorts rather than facilitating a campaign which is destined to fail.

I find it a bit sus that the long-serving politician is taking over from Todd Muller, who in a surprise move on Tuesday stepped down as party leader citing “health reasons.”

No doubt code for “I’m going to lose,” if you ask me.

Also, turns out Mr Muller led the party for only 53 days, toppling previous leader Simon Bridges in a leadership coup that came amid stagnant polling numbers for their party.

Dear Nationals, it wasn’t Mr Bridges who reduced the numbers. It’s anyone who is not Jacinda Ardern.

Also, I’d look out for Mr Bridges and Mr Muller dining out in five-star hotels with swanky attire and gold-plated cuffs. These men were smart to bow out. Considering most men are dumb, I wouldn’t mind if it was one of these blokes who led a country. One who acknowledges defeat is rare, although they sort of cowered from it too.

Nevertheless, women always do it better – hence Ms Ardern’s running reign. And Ms Collin’s ambitious campaign.

May the best woman win.

*cough* Jacinda.

Spotify is no longer single

Does anyone else feel like Spotify knows them better than anyone else sometimes?

I jump on in the morning to crank some tunes and there’s all these new suggestions for music to listen to. And I love them all.

Aside from the occasional Wiggles track which I attribute to my Disney playlist.

And then there’s the playlists created based on what you’ve listened to, and suggested radios which are all so great I can never choose which one to begin with.

Spotify, you know me so well. Spotify listens and aims to please. It’s exciting and entertaining and soothing all at once. Great relationship material if you ask me.

The blame game

Just to clarify, specifically to the media.

Australia’s State leaders didn’t release COVID-19 upon their residents. Nor did they initiate the surges.

So don’t interview them like they did.

They also are not happy about re-visiting restrictions and putting hundreds of thousands of people out of work.

So don’t interview them like they are.

We are all in this together.

#aussieaussieaussie