Another single spiel

It’s 2019. A standard conversation now sounds like this:

“I’m single,” says a lovely woman.

“Are you on any dating sites?” says the baffled married since high school friend.

“Yes.

“That’s why I’m single.”

Just saying. They come along with this question like it’s going to resolve everything.

“Just jump onto eHarmony and have a cuppa with a man who’s already got three children to three ex-wives, is a recovering alcoholic and lives in a van.

And claims their occupation is – Mr. Awesome at Legoland.

Because if that’s a real job, where do I apply? Why can’t it be Mrs. Awesome? #metoo

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If I’m being honest…this is a little bit sexy. Too bad about the kids and the alcohol thing.

Do you coupled up folk know whats out there? It aint pretty. It aint marriageable. We are actually after more than weight lifters and tattoos. Shocking, but true.

And more annoying, is these men on the sites make a point of stating their height and follow it with “because apparently that’s a thing.” As if we – women- are the shallow ones. Are you freaking kidding me?

You don’t care what we do, who our family is, where we grew up or what our aspirations are. But suddenly you’re hurt that we prefer a man who can reach the top shelf at the supermarket and reach the cartons of milk at the back with the most prolonged expiry date.

I thought we were the ones with vaginas.

Just need a clean floor

I miss the  days where you could purchase a gadget or appliance, and just put it on. Or plug it in and push the on button. And it would begin working straight away.

You never had throw it on charge for 19 hours.

You never had to download an app to activate it.

You never had to work out which button was item C from diagram 12. Or which brush was to be used for the winter months.

And you never had to create an account. For a bloody vacuum cleaner.

And when you come up with a user ID and password, there are terms for a minimum of 9 letters, with at least 2 numbers and a capital and 3 other symbols. For “security.”

Because everyone is trying to hack into the account I’ve created to sync my remote control to my TV.

Once you’ve verified you are not a robot, you have to watch series of videos before commencing to use anything too.

Life was so much easier when there was only one purpose of any appliance.

Today, if you want a watch, you get a heart rate tracker, mp3 player and more all in one.

If you want a fridge, you get an ice maker, water canister, moisture balance crisper and probably Netflix.

I mean, you gotta set aside half a day just to workout how to connect your new toaster to wi-fi so you can have some crumpets.

And how many accounts will we end up having for all these appliances? Which come with emails to update with the latest and greatest. It always includes a new feature.

“Samsung LG5677 now available with wireless antennae and strobe lighting,”

I bought my TV to watch TV. Not to host a disco.

A wireless antennae would be pretty cool actually. If it doesn’t already exist I’m sure it will soon.

An overlooked solution

There has been a lot of abortion debating throughout the media over the week. Whether it’s criminal, how to act on it, what’s allowed, what’s not allowed, what’s humane etc.

So may options have been aired surrounding the issue which is all too delicate and precious for most. It seems to be an emotional time for everyone involved as experiences come into play too.

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My solution, one that has yet to be suggested…

Practice safe sex.

Not hard. Not expensive. Not evasive (to a degree.)

Genius. Let’s start today Australia!

Post proudly sponsored by Ansell – “Get your six-pack today so people with signs stop taking days off work to chase you down the street.”

 

Drug suppliers got no imagination

Heard the latest? Border security officers in Sydney celebrated Christmas in July after  identifying 15 snow globes filled with liquid methamphetamine in a shipment from Canada yesterday.

The snow globes were being used to smuggle a total of 7.5 litres of meth worth nearly $1 million.

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I mean, snow globes. Really? Show a bit of creativity people. Its a visible white powder.

Border Security weren’t born yesterday.

Schapelle didn’t bring in her cannabis through as fish tank props and she still got caught.

That toupee guy at least covered his pound of cocaine with pretend hair. It wasn’t encased in  transparent glass.

Show a bit of creativity. Thats all.

Or actually. Don’t do drugs. Get a job. Plenty of legal ones available.

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Shame on Folau or donors?

So. This Israel Folau fellow… who’s booming fundraiser has been all over the media for the last few weeks. Here’s what I think.

If you don’t know the story, I’m not sure where it’s at now but basically, this rugby player was sacked by Rugby Australia after posting a homophobic tweet.

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Folau is a hardline Christian and argued that his comments were simply Bible recitations – which they were. And here’s to free speech right? So he’s now suing for unfair dismissal.

He launched legal proceedings with the Fair Work Commission and is seeking $10 million in damages from Rugby Australia; a payout that would financially cripple rugby’s governing body.

To cover court costs, he launched a Go Fund Me bid as he had spent more than $100,000 of his savings in his legal challenge.

The player was contracted to make more than $1 million per season from Rugby Australia under his terminated contract and has earned millions of dollars across three professional sports: rugby league, AFL and rugby.

Side note – if he’s earned millions already, whats another few hundred thousand. Just what purchases did he make these last few years if he’s low on cash already?

Anyway, GoFundMe deleted Folau’s campaign and refunded donors $750,000 he had already raised, deeming that the fundraiser promoted discrimination. Discrimination or free speech?

So then, a new page was made on the Australian Christian Lobby’s website which surpassed $2.1 million in just over 48 hours, with an original target of $3 million.

It’s now been stopped after estimations that Folau’s legal challenge against Rugby Australia – in the worst case – may cost just over $1 million.

While Gofundme and the media have said his behaviour is promoting discrimination, the bigger argument from others is that he’s taking money from children who are dying of cancer.

Former Wallaby Peter FitzSimons said Go Fund Me was for worthy causes where the people needed money and they couldn’t support it, so they approached the community.

“And they say ‘ ‘Listen I’ve got nothing in my pockets, I’ve got a tumour, can you help me?’ And people say, ‘That’s a really good thing to do’, so they do it.”

So was Folau’s behaviour fair or selfish? Hence the media attention and controversy.

Personally, I don’t believe everyone who donated to a rugby player sacked for being a homophobe would have otherwise given their money to sick kids.

So shouldn’t the media be shaming the donors? It’s their decision, not Folau’s. He’s just given them an option to help.

It’s the donors money. If they hadn’t donate to Folau, they would have just spent it on groceries or airfares. I think I’d rather Folau got the money over this.

They were never going to give that money to children with tumours because they believe God will cure these things, not crowd funding.

Crowd funding is for when one of them does something stupid and needs to be bailed out, apparently.

Personally, I think he did a stupid thing but the dismissal was a bit rough – so good luck to him I guess.

 

 

 

Fans of footy or booze

AFL fans have urged police to crack down on violence at games after a hectic weekend.

Perhaps they shouldn’t get sloshed and start beating each other up.

And actually watch the game and cheer their team on.

And maybe the bar staff could start implementing their RSA training.

Because personally I’d rather utilise the police by cracking down on drugs and rape and stuff.

Have a beer, watch the action, participate in the Mexican wave and Uber home.

Sounds easy enough?

And don’t punch anyone.

Barty Party Fears

Poor Australia.

Now that Ash has taken out the French Open,the country is bracing for her sweet innocent self to transform into a ruthless, arrogant, vain monster.

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“Nothing will change,” Ash and her coaches continue to assure us.

We’ll see.

Nick Kyrgios and Bernard Tomic – Do you see what you did?

I’m sure she will remain as lovely as she is folks.

There’s a reason it’s called bad sportsMANship…

That was totally sexist, but necessary??

hahaha poor Australia.

#scarredforlife

Mutual rude-ness

Do you ever notice when your out – or I’ m sure you’ve done it too – and one persons phone rings, so they answer and then the other person immediately grabs their phone.

Like they’ve suddenly been granted permission to check it.

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Almost like a mutual rude-ness really isn’t it.

Or like a “Yea ok, I see you’ve got friends.

“Well so do I.

“In fact, there are three text messages, seven Facebook notifications and nine new instagram follower requests.

“So touche buddy, touche.”

And then the person gets off the phone and the one who picked theirs up (no doubt to find no notifications, yet persisted and scrolled through the latest social media feeds, learning about new home owners and smashed fitness goals) takes just that little bit longer to put their phone back down, just to keep the upper hand.

But really, what else do you do?

Look around you like a person in a daze who is perfectly content they are being ignored by their dinner date – and happy enough within themselves to enjoy their own company?

Go to the bar, even though you’ve just opened a bottle of wine?

Go to the toilet even though you’ve got a horrendous playsuit on that is only worth tackling if you actually have to go?

Could you imagine going to dinner with no phone? Because a long time ago, that was all there was when you went out.

Company. Smiles. Discussions. Bonding. Laughter.

And good food if you ordered right.

And wine of course.

Society today…. I tell ya. *rolls eyes*

Anti-social media

I really don’t like it when I’ve messaged someone – via text or social media- and they don’t respond.

And sure, it’s OK if people are busy.

But 9 times out of 10 they’ve ignored me, yet managed to post random selfies from some mountain they’ve climbed or what they are about to eat.

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Because it’s much more important that their class of 2005 House Captain and one of their husbands colleagues knows what they are having for lunch before they respond to you.

Newsflash: It’s not.